This week, we here on NoG talk about everything for which we are thankful. Well, everything we're thankful about in games. That's why there's a picture of a headcrab. Actually, I think headcrabs kind of look like turkeys. Turkeys are related to Thanksgiving, therefore this image is not completely and totally random.

Man, now I'm hungry. Roasted headcrab and bullsquid dressing, all drenched in gravy made from that stuff barnacles puke after you kill them. Ooh, and mashed potatoes. Yum.

Although it is one of our favorite game genres, rhythm games are in steady decline. Viacom's announcement they were divesting Harmonix has been the talk of the industry, and we're eager to delve into the subject of the future of the genre.

In fact, Wes seems very concerned that game sales numbers indicate the decline of all fun. But we're quick to point out the weakness of pretty much any opinion he expresses.

In the process, we'll debate where we think the industry is heading, and whether the growth of first-person shoots and sports games are a threat to the market.

Lest we forget... DUCKS!

You'll notice something a little different about this week's episode. Instead of rambling on and on, we're trying a more focused show. You won't hear about our weeks or what games we've played. Instead, we're jumping right to the topic. Hopefully it'll make a show a little leaner and meaner. We'd love to hear what you think; feel free to let us know what you think of the change. We're not sure it's permanent as of yet, and we'll continue to play with the format until it feels right.

This week we talk about cognitive dissonance, otherwise known as stuff just not making sense. Does the show make sense? I dunno, maybe there's some cognitive dissonance at play there. Who knows? I don't. Man, it's hard to write funny copy for the new show format.

Instead... MORE DUCKS!



That duck was short, sweet, and to the point. Kind of like this episode!

Really, what more needs to be said?

I know you're all expecting some jokey post about games addiction, but we here at Nation of Gamers take it very seriously. For example, take the plight of our very own Wes Wilson.

You may notice that he's missing from this week's show. He'll probably be gone for the next couple of weeks as well; it sort of depends on when the doctors release him. You see, Wes has been diagnosed with acute games addiction. He has been understandably reluctant to talk about his problem. In fact, the rest of us in the DWP had no idea there was a problem at all. In fact, we had no idea he even played the game he has become addicted to.

The game in question is Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force. Not even Elite Force 2... just Elite Force. Here's a picture of Elite Force, just so you know what I'm talking about.



Weird, right? I don't even think Wes likes Star Trek that much. And let's face it; even Star Trek fans hate Voyager. Well, except for Seven of Nine. But I'm getting off track.

When asked about his addiction, all Wes can do is shout "I'M CUCKOO FOR STAR TREK VOYAGER: ELITE FORCE!" over and over and over again. It's really annoying, and that's the main reason we didn't want him on the show this week. I know the show is pretty bad already, but that would make it so much worse.

Anyway, please keep Wes in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple of weeks. Also, the post image is totally not a bad 'shop, but is an actual picture of Wes taken in the sanitarium.

This week we talk almost exclusively about games addiction. Spencer and Brent really got into it over this. Seriously, Eric threatened to spray them both down with the hose so they'd stop fighting. Enjoy!

You kids these days and your video game characters. You think they're so great! Well, I was a kid in the 40's, and our video game characters were worth a hundred of yours!

I say characters, but really we only had one. Yankee Joe! It was 1944; the height of World War II. I hear kids today whining about how they're sick of WWII games, but back then it was all we had. Yankee Joe fought the Nazis to save the world.

Yankee Joe didn't waste time with words or humanitarian aid. He killed Nazis. Over and over again. There was no reward; killing Nazis was reward enough. There was no score; only the sweet taste of dead Nazis. Yankee Joe only did one thing, but he did it well; he killed Nazis.

Now we didn't have any fancy Nintendo or Sony Playstation. After all, we were at war with the Tojos. Instead, we drew dots on the radio and pretended it was the moving pictures and that we had video games that hadn't been invented yet.

I don't think this post is really working, so I'm gonna cut it off here. This week we talked about video game characters! What makes them good? What makes them bad? Who really cares? Listen in and fun will be had by all!

Look, I don't have time for this. I've got eight stacks of glass that need to be delivered to base camp 3 pronto. They've already been delayed, and the customer is gonna be ticked off as is.

I know we're supposed to be recording a podcast, but I've got more important things to do. You see that glass tower in the distance? You think that thing is going to build itself? I'm burning daylight here; torches won't attach to glass.

Okay fine, we'll record, but I'm not talking about anything other than Minecraft. And we have to make it quick; there's building to be done.

This week we talk about Minecraft. Sure, there are a few other games mentioned, but really this is another Minecraft episode. If you don't play Minecraft, you may want to skip this episode and START PLAYING MINECRAFT instead. Seriously, I think this obsession is going to last a while.

Row 247

It has  been days since I've seen the sun. I stopped trying to count the hours; it's impossible to track with no clock, this deep beneath the earth's surface. I had thought to count the number of times I needed to sleep, but I find I'm filled with some unholy energy that lets me work unceasingly.

Instead, I dig, and I count rows. Two hundred forty-seven rows I've dug so far, tearing corridors four meters high from the living rock. I don't know why I must dig; some nameless horror compels me onward. If I stop, something terrible will happen. If I cease digging, some mother will awake to find her children slaughtered, or some hunter will return to his village to find it a blackened husk. Beasts pursue me; fell beasts. Perhaps as long as I dig and they chase me, others will be spared.

Row 562

My hands are bleeding from the digging, but I feel somewhat safer. Beside the horrific beasts, there are riches to be found; vast mineral troves that I've bent to my will. It is ingenuity that sets man apart from the lesser creatures of the world, and it is that ingenuity that has allowed me to enlist nature herself to my cause. Iron becomes tools, diamond becomes weapons. So armed and armored, I feel somewhat safer, though nothing can stop the crawling fear in my gut.

Row 598

Success! For the first time, I dare to hope that I might survive this waking nightmare! I broke into some natural cave, warned to it's occupants by the hideous moaning they elicited. I slew them all, returning them to the hell whence they came. They walked like men, but smelled of death. Perhaps I have seen my fate should I fail. I am spurred on. I'll dig forever if I must to leave this cursed land.

Row ???

I fell into a deep natural ravine, and I've completely lost my bearings. My neatly ordered rows are nowhere to be found, and I fear I may be truly lost. What's more, I've run out of torches; I currently write by the light of a nearby pool of magma. The heat is atrocious, but it's better than the dark. Wait, I hear a hissing-

WOAH! That was intense. This week we talk about Minecraft, and Civilization V, and game controllers, and other things as well. Community member in good standing TheOrangeDoor has a pretty cool project going, so definitely check that out. Maybe next week we'll talk about something other than Minecraft, but probably not.

You may not know this, but the Dead Workers Party is totally still in beta.

That's the reason why we frequently crash, and we occasionally act up. Let's face it; we're certainly not feature complete.

Eric's memory utilization is awful. Wes has some wicked terrible logic loops. Spencer makes this really weird screeching sound output that we can't figure out how to fix, even though he insists that's the normal sound he makes while talking. And Brent... well, Brent killed seven people last week. That certainly wasn't in the design docs.

To show our appreciation for sticking with us through these troubled times, we're pleased to announce that all beta testers will receive 10% off when they purchase the release version. Unless of course the beta version of Brent kills all of them. We're not liable for that, by the way. READ THE EULA, PEOPLE!

This week we talked about beta testing. Oh, and did you hear what happened at GOG? What a bunch of crap! Oh yeah, and we talked about Minecraft in the first of what promises to be THOUSANDS of hours of talking about Minecraft.

This week we read a bunch of emails. That was fun! You should send more! We'll read them and it will be fun!

Yeah, so there's no special fun time silly post today. I'm a little under the weather. But I don't want to leave everyone in the cold, so watch this instead!

She's a real beauty, ain't she? Yep. This epsiode is a classic. Sure, she's been downloaded a few thousand times, but she's got plenty left in her. We stand behind all our podcasts here, and this one's no different. Comes with a standard 30-day warranty, of course omitting any problems you might have with the treble levels. Those go out over time, and we can't be held responsible for them.

Let's not focus on the bad, though. Just picture it; you're walking down the street, ear buds in, listening to this classic podcast. The ladies love a man listening to a great episode, you know... Not saying you need any help in that department, just that they'll notice you for sure.

Yeah, you could go across the street and get yourself a new episode, but those guys over there don't really care about the customer. They want to get you into the most recent podcasts; more profit  margin there, you know? But I'm hear to get you into the show that's right for you, and I'm betting that this episode will treat you right for a lot of years, and at an exceptionally reasonable price.

Need some time to think it over? That's fine. Here's my card, give me a call anytime. Don't wait too long, though. There's someone else looking pretty hard at this episode, and I'd hate for you to miss out on it.

This week on NoG, we take a look at used games. Are they good? Bad? Immoral? Does anyone care? Also, Brent only plays stupid web games.

Man, I am so hung over. I have no idea what day it is. What is this, Tuesday? I guess I should write the post for this week's NoG... Wait, it's Thursday? Well, suck. I guess I shouldn't have crawled into that bottle of Maker's Mark on Sunday after we recorded.

Anyway, what did we talk about this week? Oh right, Monday Night Combat! That game is pretty sweet. If only it would come out on the PC, it would be even sweeter. Let's see, what else... Should games be more like movies? Or less like movies? Something like that. Man, my head is killing me. Maybe I should have another drink... OH CRAP I'm out of booze. I guess now I have no choice but to contemplate the terrible choices I've made during my life.

Oh yeah, we had a pretty good email that got us talking this week. That was pretty cool. YAY! I just found a bottle of 151 secreted away in an old boot! Where did that boot come from, anyway? Hmm... I have some vague recollection of mugging a hobo. Probably best that I don't remember it.

For the next couple of weeks we'll be playing the new free Everquest II Extended thingie, so feel free to join us and let us know what you think. I gotta wrap this up, because this 151 needs a new home... IN MY BELLY. Do I have any mixers? Hmm, out of soda. I wonder if 151 and chicken stock is any good... Only one way to find out!

So after the last show, I was totally expecting to be the one saying bad things about Starcraft II. I was positive everyone was going to be like, "Oh, there goes Spencer again, talking bad about great games. Get a new shtick, pal!" Imagine my surprise when it wasn't me, but another host who had the most bad things to say about Starcraft II! I'm not going to tell you who, you'll have to listen to find out. But I'll give you a clue: It may or may not be the person pictured above.

Oh wait, I'm supposed to type a bunch of random crap here that makes no sense and is only vaguely connected to the subject matter of the show in any rational way. Okay, here goes: Badminton cat escapes from zoo while being ridden by a banjo playing ex-prime minister of Mars!

Frank: Did you notice that the Dead Workers Party has been putting Nation of Gamers out regularly again?

Fran: Yeah, that's great. I guess they finally solved the existential crises that plagued their production schedule.

Frank: And how! The newest episode is sort of about Transformers: War for Cybertron, but it's really about review scores.

Fran: I dunno, that doesn't sound very interesting...

Frank: Oh, and they also try to not talk about Starcraft II, and they mostly fail.

Fran: Starcraft II? Lame.

Frank: What? Are you not into Starcraft?

Fran: I don't really like video games.

Frank: Then why are we having this conversation on a video game themed podcast's show notes?

Fran: They promised me punch and pie.

Frank: They lied.

Fran: Those bastards! I will not rest until they have given me punch and pie, or perished!

Frank: Woah. You're intense.

This week we're talking about Alien Breed, or is it Alien Swarm? It's something with the word Alien in it. Oh and something about a golden wrench.

OH MY GOSH DID YOU HEAR THAT E3 WAS LAST WEEK THERE WERE SO MANY NEW THINGS ANNOUNCED AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OLD THINGS REANNOUNCED I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TIME TO TALK ABOUT ALL OF THEM ON THE SHOW I KNOW RIGHT THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH LIKE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT THING THAT NINTENDO DID YEAH THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME OR THAT NEW GAME FROM CRYTEK YEAH THAT LOOKS SUPER SWEET WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART I LOVED IT ALL OH MY GOD THIS SHOW IS GONNA BE LIKE SIX HOURS LONG I'M GONNA NEED MORE RED BULL HOLY CRAP DID YOU SEE THE KONAMI PRESSER YEAH THAT GUY'S HEAD TOTALLY FELL OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS AND ONE OF THE DOOR PRIZES WAS A LIFE-SIZED STATUE OF GAIA FROM GOD OF WAR III THAT WAS TOTALLY EPIC BUT WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT I DON'T KNOW AND THE NEXT ROCK BAND GAME COMES WITH TOAD THE WET SPROCKET LIKE THE WHOLE BAND IS IN THE BOX WHY DOESN'T THEIR FRONT MAN WEAR SHOES I DON'T KNOW MAYBE HE HAS SOME WEIRD TOE FUNGUS METROID OTHER M LOOKS AWESOME OKAY SCREW RED BULL I'M GONNA NEED COCAINE

PHEW! I'm tired just typing all that. The show this week has WAY too much stuff to talk about, so of course the four hosts choked halfway through and started talking about Wes' third nipple instead. Also, this episode featured Spencer recording instead of the usual deal, so blame him when the quality sucks.

E3!

He was the first podcaster to write a song about Heavy Rain. And what a song it was! But for Eric Fullerton, writing and singing songs about video games was never the problem. It was the media attention that took it's toll. Some of the greatest dangers came from within, such as the devastating love triangle that nearly tore the Dead Workers apart. But the weird times were just beginning. Eric Fullerton had to survive both podcasting breakups and equipment failures, but he somehow came out of the hard times bigger than ever. But then Eric found out that bigger isn't always better. Now the legendary video game parody song singer/songwriter Eric Fullerton: Behind the Music.

Okay, that might be false advertising. It's just a show. We were all kinds of pressed for time because it was the night of the Lost finale, and also Spencer had some sort of weird cult thing he had to get to. Fortunately Eric saved the day with a heartwarming song!

Halfway through this episode Brent's cellphone mysteriously rings, and he gets up and leaves the studio to take the call. This is the first time in three years of podcasting that this has happened. Imagine the scene, if you will; Wes and Spencer are happily chatting as Brent sits uncomfortably, his eyes shifting back and forth nervously. Eric is strangely absent, apparently at "work." The show's topic is... I don't know. Retro gaming? Something like that.

Suddenly, Brent's iPhone rings. He snatches it up and quickly leaves the studio with barely a word. Wes and Spencer are left, mouths agape, unable to comprehend the terrible circumstances that have befallen them.

Struggling to keep things going, Wes weakly suggests, "Battletoads was a pretty good game."

"No," Spencer answers, "no it wasn't."

You can hear all that on this show. What you can't hear is the conversation that was so important that Brent had to leave the studio.  After all, he left the studio, so the microphones couldn't pick him up. However, you can read a transcript of that strange conversation. Brent did not know that his call was being routed through an experimental Google Voice transcription engine. The result was donated by an anonymous source to this reporter. Only Brent's side of the conversation was transcribed, leaving us to wonder at the identity of the caller and the dark words he imparted.

BRENT: You're late, I told you not to call during the show. *pause* No, I- *pause* I know, but it's hard to keep my cover in tact if- *pause* Right. Well, if you're done with that, can we get on with it? *pause* It was- it was a rhetorical question. *pause* Look, I don't like this anymore than you do, but if we're going to make it out of this alive we have to work together. *pause* All right, that's what I like to hear! Now all we have to do is- *pause* What do you mean? What's wrong? *long pause* Damn it! I should've known better that to trust you, even with something so ridiculously easy. All you had to do was go to the pet store- *pause* What do you mean, which pet store? Does it matter? The one that has feeder guppies, you idiot! *pause* No, the guppies are the key. This'll never work without guppies. *pause* What are we gonna do with four hundred brine shrimp? Go back, get the damn guppies, and meet me at the drop point after World of WoW. *pause* Yeah, it just might work after all, and then we can finally get Jimmy the Legs off our case. *pause* Yeah, me too. I'll see you later... Mr. President. *pause* No, I know you're not the pres- *pause* Look, I was just kidding. *pause* Okay, you know what? Click. *click*

And that's all the information we have. In order to help us to unravel this terrifying mystery, we are offering a $5000 reward for information leading to the arrest of "Jimmy the Legs," along with a $10,000 for information pertaining to the identity of the other party to this call.

Oh yeah, and there's a show this week. Or was it last week? I am totally confused. I think it's about space rats. Enjoy!

There I was, cornered in a Bulgarian hostel by a fish with one eye. I had a pen in one hand and the state of Kansas in the other. Now I know what you're thinking; it's not even close to tomato season. I didn't let that stop me! I gunned the engine in my rowboat and flew to Sheeptown, dodging wild UN weapons inspectors as I went.

It wasn't until my eyeballs exploded that I realized I was out of hair gel. Frothing with impotent rage, I turned my frustrations into the drive to finally win at Wimbledon. Lacking in celebratory crystal meth, I was forced to watch Season 4, Episode 7 of The Wire instead. Proposition Joe is awesome.

Finally I collapsed, blood leaking from my punctured kitten. "Well," I shouted into the unfathomable void, "at least now I can finally paint  over that dreadful mural." I woke with a start, realizing it had all been a horrifying coutroom drama starring the University of Notre Dame men's basketball team.

I think I may have gotten a little off track here. Just like this week's show! What exactly happened, anyhow? At any rate, join Wes, Spencer, Brent, and Eric as they explore... something. I'm not really sure what's going on.

Little Karen leaped at the sound of the old, rattling 1977 Cadillac Catera pulling into the driveway. Only one car sounded like that; it had to be Grandpa! Nearly squealing with excitement, she rushed to the front door and threw it open.

"Grandpa!" she shouted.

"Well, hello, little Karen," Grandpa said as he hobbled away from the car. "How is my favorite granddaughter on her sixth birthday?" In his wizened claws he clutched an inexpertly wrapped present, roughly the size and shape of a video game. Karen's eyes nearly fell out of her head. She loved video games! Unable to contain her excitement, she darted forward and snatched the package from Grandpa's grasp and ran at full speed back into the house.

By the time Grandpa stumbled wheezing into the house, Karen had torn the wrapping off of her gift. Her earlier excitement was strangely absent as she stared at the game in her hands. The color drained from her face, a look of dawning horror overtaking her. "Well," grandpa asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence, "do you like it?"

Karen stood stock still, unable to tear her eyes from the wretched thing in her hands. Suddenly she jerked as if stung and tossed the thing on floor. She wiped her hands on her blouse, desperately trying to clean away some unseen filth. Without a word, she ran to the kitchen. Grandpa was appalled into silence, unable to comprehend the depths to which he'd offended his precious granddaughter.

She returned with a can of lighter fluid and sprayed the game down liberally. Grandpa moved to stop her, but something in her eyes held him at bay. Her eyes spoke of great betrayal, of great pain, of the end of her short childhood. Tossing the now empty container to the side, Karen stared at her Grandfather with contempt as she lit a match. "This is the only way the house will ever be clean again, Grandpa," she said as it dropped to the floor, touching off a horrific conflagration.

The firemen managed to get everyone out of the house, but Grandpa felt little relief. He sat on a gurney, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, staring at the house going down in flames, a great sense of guilt and despair settling upon him. A fireman walked up and without delay asked, "What happened here?"

The fire reflected in Grandpa's sad eyes. "I gave her Pokeman: Heart Gold." He shook his head. "That girl hates Pokeman."

Wow, I went a really long way for that joke, didn't I? Anyway, join Eric, Spencer, and Brent as they explore their bottom five games, pulling in plenty of the Nation's least favorite games to discuss as well! By the way, wasn't there another guy on this show? What happened to him, anyway?